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[2/18/06 - 8:30 pm] |
It's been a while since I last updated here...somehow that always ends up happening with all my journals, no matter how often I plan on writing, I always end up putting it off.
Yesterday was Zach's 20th Birthday. All in all I think it was a pretty good day, hopefully he thinks so too. The night before that, we went and saw Sigur Ros together and I saw Rebecca Gant, who I haven't seen in forever!
Every week Zach and I visit the big library downtown and rent lots and lots of movies and tv shows. I actually got hooked on two shows I never thought I would end up liking: Desperate Housewives and curb your enthusiasm. I feel kinda bad though, since I ought to be getting out books..I haven't read a good book in so long! :(
Another thing I haven't done in so long is hangout with Johannah. I miss her so much! We've had the best times ever hanging out together. :) <3
Right now, as usual, Pat is playing music abnormally loud in the room next to ours. If we had picture frames hanging on the wall they would probably have fallen off by now.
Valentines Day was awesome. Zach bought me a really super cute purse and a little blue notebook with little hearts all over it and I absolutely LOVE it. Now I have to think of a story good enough to go into such a cute book. It took so much longer than I had planned to finish my last book but it turned out alright so I guess that's all that matters.
Tonight we went and saw the movie pink panther and then got some delicious cold stone ice cream, despite the below freezing temperatures. The movie was pretty good and it ended up being a fun night! :)
I think I am going to go take a nice bubble bath now, since I got new bubbles that smell really good from the store. :) Zach says I am turning into an old lady because I like baths and scrapbooking and crafty things. haha maybe that's not such a bad thing to be? :P
xoxo
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| hey unfaithful i will teach you to be stronger |
[1/8/06 - 10:17 am] |
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Surprisingly, I am actually glad that my sleep schedule has changed. I enjoy getting up early in the morning, before anyone else is awake, when the apartment is still quiet and I can do whatever I want by myself. This morning I woke up, took my books and my other journal, and laid on the sofa near the window overlooking campus. For hours I just read and wrote and it was nice. I miss starting my day off like that.
I miss going to church. Part of me wants to go every week super badly, but then there is also a part that holds back and kind of isn't sure if it's the right thing to do yet. And if I do go to church, I don't know if the vineyard is the right one for me to go to every week...I mean, it's an amazing church and everyone there is nice and everything but I just don't want to go. I'm too old for youth group and besides I would feel bad showing up since for such a long time I blew it off to either spend time with Zach or skip it to hangout with Johannah. I'm scared to go to a new church. I'm not sure what exactly I should do.
Yesterday Zach took me to the library downtown. It was my first time going, and it was so AWESOME! The only library I'm used to going to is the little one in Loveland, near my house. The selection there is incredibly minimal, so when I walked into this gigantic one downtown I was so excited! I want to start reading again in my spare time. We didn't have too much time to spend there, and most of it was wasted trying to find out where different sections were, but I was still able to pick out four books, two of which seem somewhat interesting and the other two could end up being pretty lame. Oh well, there is always next time. Zach also picked out two movies- "The Fearless Vampire Killers" and "Danny Deckchair", which both look equally stupid, but who knows...maybe they'll be halfway good. :P
my stomach is growling, i need to go eat some breakfast
<3
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| i couldn't ever love you more |
[1/7/06 - 11:10 am] |
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mood |
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I still can't believe just how much my life has changed starting last year. Over the months I feel like I've almost become an entirely different person, whether that is a good thing or not I'm not exactly sure. I've grown up so much and I'm not too happy about that. I miss how I was three years ago...I was happier then. I had things to worry about and things that made me sad but never like this.
And the strange thing is, Zach tells me everytime I'm sad that this should be the happiest time of my life and I guess he's right. But I feel like something is missing and it brings me down pretty often. I have realized that I don't let things go very easily. There are still things about the past that I can't let go no matter how hard I try to, things I can't forgive and hold against people that I love the most. Sometimes I wonder if someday I'll be able to forgive them, or if it will always be something between us keeping us/me from being truly happy.
Money is annoying. I hate paying bills and since I've moved out that's become a huge part of my life. I wish things didn't cost so much. I realize soon I will be in a good situation though because the job I now have, at Panera Bread, is much better than my last jobs. Soon I'll be able to pay off my debts and start saving up for the future. I want to go to school. I kind of feel like a bum right now because I'm not really doing anything with my life for the better, except for working full time and well, that's not really doing all that much except earning me money. It isnt making me smarter. Sometimes I have mixed feelings on going to college and that scares me because a while ago it wouldn't have even crossed my mind that maybe I don't want to go to school. Deep down I know that it's the best thing for me to do. I enjoy writing so much and I'll need a degree if I ever want to publish any of my work.
I made New Years resolutions and they all haven't gone too well so far. I'm not very self motivated haha In fact I'm incredibly lazy! I put things off better than anyone else in the world probably. I want to become motivated and do all these awesome things but then I'll come home from work and want to sit and watch t.v. or write or just take a nap. Oh well, someday hopefully I'll be able to make myself do things even when I really don't want to.
this journal is going to be extremely lame and i'm trying to decide whether i should make it private so that i am the only person who can read it or not. who wants to hear me complain and talk about pointless stuff? haha :P
Okay, now on to happier things! :)
Zach and I have lived together for about 5 months now and I still find him to be an amazing bf. (i love you z!) It's hard sometimes, us always being around eachother, but I honestly don't think I would have it any other way. I have had some of the best times of my life with him this year (some of the worst also, but thats to be expected i guess) and I really really am hoping that next year we'll be able to live together again. I know it's what I want. Right now we are looking for people to live with us so we can split rent and so far we haven't had too many takers. I guess we'll wait and see what happens.
I love my friends alot!!! Johannah and I have been able to hangout more often now and it makes me so happy. I wish we could hangout even more. :) <3
I am a vegetarian! Yeah, its one of the best choices I've ever made in my opinion. I like sticking up for the cute little animals. haha
uhm yeah I dont have anything else to say :P
<3
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[1/6/06 - 6:19 pm] |
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Hey this is Beth. My absolutely amazing and gorgeous best friend Johannah was nice enough to give me this journal thank you thank you thank you Jo! um, yeah I don't really have too much to say right now except HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHANNON if you ever read this. :) I'll write more later I'm sure.
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